Updated: Mar 23, 2019
Well here we are, last day in Nepal. As I reflect over the month my heart gets pretty heavy. Well, it got heavy when I got here and hasn’t let up since. I’m not gonna give a whole highlight reel or romanticize this whole thing because it hurts here. From seeing and hearing from women who are abused, people under the control of dark spirits and mental illness, lost people worshipping empty idols and sacrificing animal after animal waiting for some kind of luck or blessing they are never going to get. People living on the streets with horrible diseases or disabilities being ignored day after day because they’re “unclean”. Just the general heaviness of Nepal has my heart beating hard constantly. It’s painful to be here. But we aren’t called to the places full of joy, to the people who love jesus and have their lives on track. We aren’t called to the rich and the satisfied and the loved. We are called to the man sleeping on the sidewalk, the women selling themselves on the street, the little boy selling roasted peanuts or newspapers to make money. We are called to the motherless, the fatherless, the tired and hopeless. So in all this uneasiness, among all the people who don’t believe, there are a few lights. Some people among the crowd who love Jesus and love people so fiercely, so hard, so intentionally that I’ve never seen anything like it. In a country where it is illegal to spread the word of God, they are the brightest lights who show the love of God so evidently that they never even have to mention His name. I’ve learned what it really is to live the word through these people. Through serving and sacrifice. Through joy and fire and music!
I haven’t felt God much this month, but boy have I seen him work. I’ve battled doubt and dark thoughts. Panic attacks and anxiety and fear, and I felt like God didn’t see any of it. But the biggest thing is that even when God doesn’t answer right away, when he doesn’t move what I want him to move or show me what I want to see, he is still good. And I trust him. And he is moving and he will never stop. And that sometimes it may not being that he’s not moving, maybe I’m looking in the wrong place.