My Darkest Night, I Met The King
The Eternal Crown
of Everlasting Life...
I was raised Jewish, in a Hollywood family, so Jesus was the last thing on my mind. My mom was a beauty queen/singer & my dad was a Hollywood disc jockey. My parents have been married and divorced three times each, so I've been a part of five blended families. My dad had an extreme amount of stress on him so he blew up easily. My mom was paralyzed by emotional pain from her past and never learned to love. Because my parents seem to go from one crisis situation to another, I never felt the freedom to go to my them when I needed comfort and parent coaching.
When I needed comfort, I found it in food. When I was in pain, I used drugs to escape. By the time I was sixteen, I was addicted to drugs and had an unhealthy relationship with food. I had made so many poor choices, I nearly destroyed my mind and body. I believed I was destined for destruction. I wanted desperately to crawl out of this deep, dark, hole of despair. But the harder I tried, the deeper & darker the hole seemed to get. At the lowest point in my life, a friend challenged me with a painful question. She asked me "How long are going to use your parents & your past as an excuse for the poor choices you make today?" She shocked me with the truth that I could do nothing to change my past, but I could choose to make the right choices to change my future.
That painful truth empowered me to change almost everything about myself.
Believe it or not, in just one year, I lost a significant amount of weight, stopped using drugs, changed my friends and my attitude, improved in school, and even changed my clothes and hair color. I went from being a drug-using, overweight and insecure junior in high school, to a powerful, popular senior who had boyfriends, a local beauty title, and a seemingly better place in life. It looked like I had it all, and to the outside world, I did. There was only one piece missing from what appeared to be the perfect puzzle- it didn't matter how much I projected a perfect life on the outside. On the inside, I continued to die a silent and secretive death that no one could see but me. I refused to forgive those who had hurt me and I held on to bitterness and resentment. I was emotionally starving for love and felt alone, regardless of how many people I had around me. All the money, things, worldly success, and beauty could only decorate my pain and get the praise of people.
My life was a book with a sleek and colorful cover, but inside the pages were empty. I did not know how to deal with my feelings. How could I possibly tell anyone that the young woman who seemed to have it all, still cried herself to sleep every night, just like she did when she was a little girl? I couldn't tell my parents because they were still dealing with their own problems. If I told my friends about my emotional pain, they would look at my success and think that I was ungrateful. So I did what I had learned to do as a young girl, and once again,
I Ignored the Warning Signs...
I covered them up by losing more weight, winning more pageants, making more money, setting more goals, and filling my schedule with excessive busyness so I wouldn't have time to feel. Then, at age twenty-four, I was again thrown back out on the road of reality. This time my emotional pain was so severe that every part of my body was hurting.
I Had Panic Attacks, Crying Spells, Loss of Memory & Depression.
The original pain from my childhood that had given me the power to change my life as a teenager no longer motivated me. I had no more strength or desire to fill the empty pages of my life. I felt as if I were at the end my life story. I thought out a way that I could end my life quickly. I felt it would be better to die with the world thinking that I was successful than to disappoint them with the truth that I was a mess. The next week, I checked myself into a hotel room and decided that I would take my life with sleeping pills. When I walked into the room, I threw myself on the floor and screamed at the top of my lungs, "God, do You exist? If You do, please show me!"
As I Laid On The Floor, Wanting To End My Life God Revealed Himself to Me
Through a memory of a long-forgotten friend named Allen. He was a drug dealer from my high school. It was on a Friday in the field across from our school where Allen sold me drugs practically every day. On that cool California morning, Allen said he wouldn't be seeing me at any of the parties that weekend. He was going to some special weekend retreat with a friend. On Monday morning, I hurried to the field to buy my drugs before school, and there stood Allen. But When I saw him he was not stoned, he looked like a completely different person, and he handed me a small bible. Then he began to tell me about his real encounter with God, who had changed his life over the weekend. I remembered the
...The Look in His Eyes
...The Smile on His Face
...The Tenderness in His Voice
...The Wisdom of His Words
As I laid there on the floor in tears, wanting to end my life, I started to wonder,
Could This Same God Change My Life?
The next day my boyfriend invited me to his grandparents' house, his grandparents were missionaries. I walked in the most welcoming home and was invited to sit around a dinner table without fighting, but with a real family that loved each other. As I sat around the table with this family, for the first time, I experienced the love of God through the love of His people. I was captivated by their relationship with God and I have never seen such kindness, compassion and unselfish purposes.
I Had to Know More About This Jesus...
Emily, the missionary, sweetly asked me if I wanted to stay the week at their home, and of course I could not reject the invitation. That night she gently knocked at the door of my guest room and she asked me if she could tuck me in bed and read me the Bible. What Emily did not know, is that I had never been tucked into bed as a little girl and had never been read to by my mama.
Tears Filled My Eyes & Joy Flooded My Heart As...
I began to realize that God had heard the cry of my heart. In that hotel room when I yelled and asked him if He existed, He answered and met me in the most personal way through Emily that night. I began to realize He was real. A few weeks later in a hotel room, I was holding a bottle of sleeping pills, I decided not to end my life. But this time, I decided to accept God's invitation and ask His Son, Jesus, into my heart in one last effort for a new life.
I have to admit, it felt very foreign at first and a little bit like I betrayed my Jewish family for receiving Christ as my Savior. But I had so much peace for the first time and I didn’t feel alone anymore. I couldn’t wait to tell my family! But to my surprise, while sharing Jesus with my grandmother on her deathbed, I was rejected by my Jewish family for my faith. It was a 10 year faith battle, but the war has been won. Today, my Jewish family are all born again Christians!
An Everlasting Invitation
From My Heart To Yours...
His Privileged Princess
You Have a Beautiful Birthright
Because You Belong to His Royal Family
His Priceless Princess
You Are Transformed by His Love
& Timeless Treasures of Truth
His Purified Princess
You Are Wondrously Washed &
Purified In His Living Water
His Peaceful Princess
You Are Unshakably Calm & Have A
Unbreakable Connection In Christ
His Purposed Princess
You Will Be In Awe
of Your Appointed Position